You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
do herpes really smell.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
