I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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