I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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