thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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