If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
