Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
