My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize