i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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