Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
