just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
