Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize