P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
