Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
