So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize