he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
