Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
