my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
