I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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