A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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