I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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