A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
