You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
