Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
