do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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