just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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