i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
