Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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