So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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