About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
