she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
