My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
