Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
