everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
