Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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