$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
