apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
