We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
