my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
