bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
