I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
