i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
