why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
