my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
