we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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