why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize