I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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