I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
