Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize