this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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