is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
