Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
dude. I can hear the air.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
