i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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