i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
