called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
