what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then my night got REAL pukey
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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