I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
