the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
