Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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