she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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