no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
