well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
